After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
