I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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