I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
