What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
