P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
