She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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