that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
