i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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