Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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