How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
