got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
