shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
