we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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