you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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