Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
is it fun? or sober?
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