This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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