I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
