I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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