I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
