Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize