Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
