just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just cut my nipple shaving
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And then he peed in my hair
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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