she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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