Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
