Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
