Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
