and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to be your penis for a week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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