1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
