my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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