dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
