Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
