I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
