we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
