Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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