why didn't you poke me back
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
