I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
