I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize