We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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