I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
