Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
