"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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