you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
