i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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