where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
