he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
