If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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