How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm always down for nudity.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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