he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
