Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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