I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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