I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize