I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
