I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
