I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
