Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
