I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
