he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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