You work out of a Hotel?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
