in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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