I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
