So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
