If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
