It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
