I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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