I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
