The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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